I am 24. About three months ago my mom died of cancer. I still cry nearly every day. I know the pain will someday lessen, but I am afraid my memories and love for her will too. I am also afraid that what's left of our family will slowly disintegrate. My father is very lonely now. My half-brothers are not as close to him as I am. How do I deal with the fact that my mom will not be here to see my accomplishments? How do I go on with my life as she would want me to without her here? How do I keep my family together through this?

Andrea

My condolences on the loss of your mother. It's understandable that you would still be grieving three months after her death, and wondering what your -- and your family's -- future will be like without her. Your memories of her may change somewhat with time, as most memories do, and the acute pain you're feeling will eventually lessen, but that doesn't mean your love for her is destined to fade.

When a parent dies when the child is a teenager or young adult, it can be difficult to anticipate passing life's future milestones -- graduation, promotions, marriage, childrearing -- without the parent's presence providing encouragement and celebration. Of course, some people whose spiritual beliefs encompass some concept of life after death, or an afterlife, find comfort in feeling their loved ones will "know" or be there with them in some form. Others (even those who believe in an afterlife but miss the presence of their loved one in the flesh) may need to accept that even the most joyous future occasion may be tinged with sadness that it cannot be directly shared with those no longer present. That mixture of the bitter with the sweet need not prevent the individual from enjoying his or her accomplishments, however. If need be, the bereaved can ask themselves what their parent(s) would have wanted -- for them to stagnate out of grief, or move forward in life while cherishing happy memories of the deceased. A truly loving parent, of course, would want his or her child to continue to live, grow, and evolve throughout the years ahead.

You ask how you can keep your family together. There's only so much you can do, of course, given that your father and half-brothers are people with the right to veer onto separate paths if they choose. However, one possibility is for you to take on the role of family hostess or holiday orchestrator that's usually filled by the family matriarch. In other words, you could host or coordinate family dinners, holiday celebrations, etc. for your family in your mother's place, or assist your father in taking over that responsibility. One warning, though: This can be a lot of work, and might be frustrating if you find yourself cajoling other family members into doing what YOU think they SHOULD do, rather than accepting their doing whatever they truly want to do. Good luck.