I'm afraid I may be addicted to masturbation. My doctor said a lot of people do this, but they just don't talk about it. Still, I'm troubled by the frequency of my habit -- three or more times a day. I don't think this is a cover for any sort of psychological problem, but more like a chemical addiction to the endorphin release that occurs with orgasm. I've tried cutting back, without success. A big part of the problem is that I haven't had sex in two years. I've had opportunities for sex, but not with guys I trust, so I haven't taken action. How can I get over my dependence on self-stimulation and develop a worthwhile sex life?

Rachel

I commend your decision not to have sex with men you don't trust. Masturbation can certainly be a safer means of pleasure than sex with men who might be abusive or abandon you. And masturbation, of course, doesn't carry with it the possibility of disease or pregnancy.

While masturbation is a normal activity, it IS possible to engage in it compulsively. People who are addicted to chemical substances or engage in compulsive masturbation or other behaviors frequently use those substances or behaviors to numb disturbing feelings or reduce tension. Unfortunately, the chemicals and compulsive behaviors just address the symptoms rather than the cause ... whatever the cause might be.

One possibility might be for you to consult with a therapist to see whether your masturbatory activity might indeed be compulsive, and if so, what might be maintaining the compulsion both chemically and psychologically. You might then experiment with other, healthier ways to meet those needs.

If you'd rather not see a therapist right now, you could check out the 12-step program Sexaholics Anonymous (sometimes called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous or Sex Addicts Anonymous). It's a free support program for people who use sex (including masturbation) compulsively or who consider themselves to be sex addicts. You could attend a few of those meetings to see whether the program fits you and whether it might be helpful. You could probably find out whether your community has such a program by contacting the nearest Alcoholics Anonymous program. Someone affiliated with AA should be able to steer you in the right direction.