Dear Dr. Patti:

My boyfriend has Adult Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder. I have noticed that when the "hyper" kicks in, so does his sex drive. He is normally a very sexual creature, but his sex drive changes. He vacillates from being dominant to submissive. Also, his sexual appetite changes. He is more interested in things of the mildly kinky nature. Now mind you, I don't mind and have always been open-minded when he has made suggestions. We are wondering if this has anything to do with his ADHD. Also, is it wrong to pursue the kinkier side when he is in this state?
--J

I know very little about the sexological effects from your boyfriend's condition, AADHD. So, your first step is to check things out with the psychiatrist or medical provider who diagnosed and is treating him. It is always possible that certain medications are having adverse or strange effects and require modification in dosage or type of drugs being used.

Some mental health professionals regard conditions that affect brain wave and mental/behavioral states as changing energy states. Thus, those shifts in energy can be monitored by the person (and his mate) and managed. Certainly with years of data from psychology about techniques for self-regulation, including biofeedback, it may be possible to know yourself and learn how to alter your own responses. Furthermore, as your concern relates to his changing sexual tastes, sex is all about managing that special energy for pleasure and fulfillment. Work together to find a balance.

As you did not define what "kinky" means and alluded to his dominant/submissive swings, I assume that he enjoys erotic power exchange or role playing with you. There is an excellent Website that may help you to understand the complexities of the world of S&M (also called B&D): Different Loving (www.gloria-brame.com/diflove.htm), based on the tenets of Gloria Brame's book, Different Loving. If this is where his "hyper" self is taking the two of you, why not learn how to ride this wave and come out on the other side of it with joy, satisfaction and more pleasure? This type of exchange often, as couples have reported to me, brings them into even greater intimacy. The issues of open communication and absolute trust are essential ingredients in this aspect of power exchange and sexual expression. The only downside of dominant/submissive relationships comes when they are enacted without mutual consent. So, talk about your roles, explore your boundaries for pleasure and safety and have fun in your new relationship.