I am an 18-year-old male. I am worried I may be gay, and I do not want to be at all. I think I may because I have masturbated to gay porn and thought of what it would be like to be with a guy. I have even thought of my best friend when I masturbated. I feel really bad about that. I have a girlfriend, and I am attracted to her. We have done stuff together, but I have never had an orgasm with her, and that worries me. I hope you can tell me that this is normal (I pray to God that it is) and that a lot of guys go through this. I think that I am straight, but I worry about everything, and this has been worrying me a lot lately. I will feel much better if I know this is normal.

-- Brett

It's pretty common for teen-age boys to have some same-sex sexual fantasies, or even contact, without that meaning that they're gay. Of course, without more information, I can't say whether your experiences indicate you might be straight, gay or bisexual ... although the fact that you're attracted to your girlfriend and you think you're straight does suggest to me that you probably aren't gay.

But you know what? I don't think there would be anything wrong if you WERE gay. There's no reason to be ashamed of sexual orientation, in my opinion, as long as we're talking about consensual sex between adults. Same-sex attraction is what's "normal" for some people, probably due largely to biological factors.

The main problem with being gay (aside from the obvious difficulty it presents in procreation) is the prejudice against it, and what that prejudice often leads people to do. Homophobia can fuel violence against gays and lesbians, discrimination of various kinds, and religious condemnation. As a result, many gay people keep their personal life secret, which can be an emotional strain. And some try to deny their sexual orientation even to themselves, getting married and having children -- only to eventually come out of the closet, to their spouses' and children's dismay.

Enough about that. You say that you've never had an orgasm with your girlfriend, and that you worry about everything. What if those two things were connected? Anxiety can interfere with sexual desire and performance, just as depression can. How about if you try to ease up on yourself for a while ... about sex and everything else? See if taking some pressure off helps. If that doesn't work, or if you continue to worry (about sex or anything else), please consider seeing a psychologist with whom you can talk further about these issues.