I am a 34-year-old mother and wife. My childhood was pretty messed up with mental, physical and sexual abuse. I live in a bad kind of marriage, too, I guess -- my husband says there is nothing wrong but the real me says there is. I have never been to counseling for any of these issues, but part of me feels I should. I don't know how to go about it. I don't really think it's right to go see someone to burden them with my life. But I recently found out a family member is going to write a book about her life that will include my family, and I am getting scared that the truth might come out. I have refused to talk to my mom about it as an adult because when I was a child she told me I was lying or having dreams. Do you have any advice for me? --ME

It sounds to me like it might benefit you to talk to a therapist who can help you sort through these issues. You say you don't think it's right to "go see someone to burden them with my life." But please keep in mind that therapists are trained to handle and manage such burdens -- if they even see them as burdens. Many therapists consider it an honor to be allowed to share the difficulties and struggles of a person's life and consider it their life's calling to help alleviate such suffering.

And that's how licensed therapists make their living. You'd pay a therapist for his or her professional help, just like you'd pay a physician for a medical exam and treatment or an accountant for help with your taxes. It's a professional service.

A close friend or family member or someone else you know may be able to recommend a good therapist they know personally. Your physician should also be able to make a referral. Or you can call the community mental health center in your area or your state psychological association (usually headquartered in the state capital). Make sure any therapist they recommend is skilled in working with adult survivors of child abuse. That doesn't mean that your therapy should focus exclusively on the past, however. Please make sure you work on the problems in your current life (some of which, of course, may be related to your childhood experiences) as well -- or even first. I don't think it makes sense to spend session after session talking only about trauma in the past if a client's present-day life is going to hell in a hand basket.

> It's important to find a therapist with whom you feel a match -- someone you feel you can talk to and respects you and your process. To find such a therapist, you may need to "interview" several briefly on the phone, or even meet for a session or two to get a sense of how well you can work together. It's perfectly okay to "shop" for a therapist, like you might shop for a physician you feel comfortable with.

If you want to use your health insurance to cover some of the costs of therapy, you will probably need to call to see whether a specific procedure is required to "authorize" therapy sessions. (The number to call should be on your insurance card or in the insurance benefit information you or your husband received upon obtaining the insurance.) Using your health insurance to pay for therapy, though, may limit your ability to choose your therapist yourself. Your insurance company may have a list or network of therapists for which it will reimburse. Sometimes, however, they will pay a lower "out-of-network" rate for licensed therapists who aren't on their list.