Before you have sex with a guy, how do you bring up the question of whether he has a history of any venereal diseases? I feel I'm ready to have a sexual encounter with this guy, but I want to be sure what his past experience was, and if he was promiscuous at all. I'm embarrassed to ask. How do I even start the conversation with him?

D.S.

You're wise to want to know more about a possible sexual partner's medical and behavioral history. These days having sex can result not only in unplanned pregnancy in heterosexual encounters, but also potentially incurable or fatal diseases.

Sure, insisting that your partner wear a condom can lessen your chances of catching AIDS, herpes or other diseases -- and of becoming pregnant if you're talking about heterosexual acts. But this method isn't 100 percent foolproof. A safer solution is to only have sex with people whose sexual (and drug) history you know, and who you know do not have a sexually transmitted disease. (But I'd still require that any male partner wear a condom.)

How can you find out his or her sexual history or determine whether he or she has a sexually transmitted disease? This may sound like a radical notion, but one way is to flat-out ask. If you don't feel comfortable talking with your potential partner about sex, perhaps you'd be better off delaying intercourse with him or her until you do. And if you don't know whether you could believe whatever he or she tells you about sex (or anything else), for heaven's sake put on the brakes! Getting further involved (especially sexually) with someone you can't trust is a recipe for heartache.

How can you bring up the subject? The best way may be to tell him that you feel your relationship is ready to move to another level sexually, but that before doing so you want to know more about his sexual (and relationship) history and whether he has any sexually transmitted diseases. (Keep in mind that the AIDS virus may not show up in blood tests until six months or even more than a year after exposure.) Be prepared to also talk about your own sexual history. If he doesn't know if he has any STDs or you have any doubts, you could ask him to be tested. If he refuses, I'd rethink your decision to have sex with him.