Dear Dr. Patti:

I'm 31, female and married for almost 10 years. I can honestly say that I'm still in love with my husband and he with me. The only thing that bothers me is my asthma, which I developed about three years ago. We used to have sex almost daily, but I can't do that anymore; I'm always wheezing and short of breath. Sometimes we even have to stop during sex because I need my inhaler. My husband is not complaining and told me that it doesn't matter and that the most important thing is that we love each other. How can I have sex without having an asthma attack?

N

Dear N:

Breathing is a key part of the sexual process, so it's no surprise that this condition is disturbing you at so many levels. The physical strain alone can quell any sexual desire that you may have, and the fear of having another asthma attack -- or actually having to reach over to grab the inhaler -- can put a damper on even the hottest romp with the dearest lover.

My first suggestion is to get all the information you can and have a long, in-depth conversation with your GP or pulmonary specialist. He or she is the best source for information about side effects from both the condition itself and the medications you now take. Check out carefully whether this may be a negative influence on your sexuality or whether you can simply amend your sexual patterns of pleasure.

My second suggestion is to take it easy until your mind and body catch up with the "new you." Now that you are asthmatic, you WILL have to go more slowly and exert yourself less. Make sure (with your doctor's permission) that you keep your body fit, especially building strength and stamina. Sex takes work, energy and plenty of physical exertion for even the slightest hiccup of an orgasm to occur.

Try adjusting your sexual style slightly to accommodate your new limitations. Tie a black lace ribbon around your inhaler as an erotic reminder. Find ways with your husband to create and share sensual, as well as sexual, touch. Gentle bathing with bubble bath and candles really does set a positive mood for closeness and touch. Rubbing each other with Kama Sutra oils (available at the store on my site, http://www.yoursexcoach.com) can relieve tension, get your mind off your limitations and let you both enjoy touching and connectivity. Finally, taking turns on each other's pleasure, taking time to feel and be felt, and going gently into that sexual zone will dramatically reduce your chances of interrupting the sexual patterns you so deserve to share with your loved one.