I have a boyfriend I love a lot, but there are some things that concern me or bother me about him. He is 24 but he still sucks on his thumb! He eats more than normal (pigs out) and he has very little interest in school. He talks low and with a "babyish" accent. This really annoys me and makes me wonder if I want to be with someone who is insecure and so indulgent in food and other pleasures. He is not a brat or an inconsiderate mama's boy. He is sweet and smart. But I would like to know why is it that he behaves like this. Is there something I can or should do to change this, or perhaps this is not changeable and I should evaluate whether I am going to accept it or not? What I want is a MAN I can feel comfortable building a life with. --L.

I can't say why your boyfriend (or anyone else) is the way he is without further assessment, which would probably have to be done face-to-face. But it seems to me the real issue here is your unhappiness with his behavior.

You ask whether there is something you can or should do to change him. Trying to change someone else's behavior is dangerous territory. We can easily cross the line into trying to control the other in ways that aren't healthy for that person or us, with the usual result being that we make ourselves frustrated and the other person angry or miserable or both.

And oftentimes it's a matter of perspective whether or not the behavior needs to be changed. A tone and style of voice that you find "babyish," for example, someone else may find cute and sexy. What one person views as "pigging out" another may consider "a healthy appetite."

Yes, it may be time for you to evaluate whether you want to stay in the relationship ... and if not, for what reasons you might really want to end it. Sometimes we find fault with a person we're close to, especially one who might be a potential life partner, because we're unconsciously seeking ways to distance ourselves from a level of intimacy or commitment that may frighten us. Other times, of course, we may be feeling intuitively that the person isn't really a good match for us. Only you can ultimately decide what the answer may be.