The following is an Editorial Resource from YourTotalHealth.

Mikayla Bailey-Null, age 49, a medical assistant in a chiropractic office, married, mom of two children, ages 23 and 18, in Chandler, AZ

Difficult Diagnoses

“I have the trifecta of mental illnesses. I was first diagnosed with major depression when I was 32 years old, and I took an antidepressant for about 10 years and ended up in the hospital where I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It wasn’t until I was 43 that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, even though I think I’ve had symptoms of the illness all of my life. In fact, I think my mother and grandmother also had mental illnesses, so I’m the third generation. Getting the right diagnosis was a huge relief. Finally, I felt like I could deal with it. I could read up on it. I could get on medicine that would help stabilize me. I could get help.”

Hitting Bottom and Getting Back Up

“I’ve always had very intense highs and lows, and because I also have chronic fatigue syndrome, my usual state is to be very tired. But sometimes I will have periods of mania where I’ll clean and clean, I can’t sleep and I’m struck by grandiose ideas and racing thoughts. There have been nights where I’ll be awake at 2 a.m. and I’ll honestly think to myself, ‘If I could just call up the president and tell him my ideas, we could solve most of the world’s problems.’ I started my own nonprofit organization and I had all these huge plans. I was going to have my own center and hopefully my agency would become nationwide. But, after two years – well, we just had to sell our house. We’re $159,000 in debt. Prior to that, I was in a lot of credit card debt. When my husband first met me, that’s how I would satisfy myself. If I was feeling down I would go out and just buy lots of things. Shopping sprees were a way to help me feel better. “

I reached bottom about five years ago when Child Protective Services took my daughter away after an incident where I had mixed alcohol with medications in an effort to get a good night’s sleep. The next morning – although I don’t remember this – I became upset with my daughter and I slapped her. It took us three months to get her back, and during that time I began self-mutilating and ended up puncturing my lung with an X-Acto knife. I wasn’t trying to kill myself; I just needed to relieve this huge pressure that was inside of me, a pain so deep I couldn’t touch it. I still carry around a lot of guilt about that period. Dealing with the guilt takes a while. You’re not going to cure it overnight. I think that’s where working with a therapist really helps. I had been doing talk therapy before that incident, and having that continuity of seeing the same person was one of the things that really helped me get through it all. Getting the right combination of medications was important, too.”

Taking It Day by Day

“I try to put myself in a good position by eating a healthy diet and taking my medication religiously. I know that without [the medication] I’m not as good a person as I want to be. I think what I have lived through has given me an empathy that helps me in my work with patients and helping others becomes very therapeutic for me. It feels really good." 

“My advice to anyone with bipolar disorder would be to just take care of today. That’s what I do. You can’t do anything about yesterday and tomorrow is yet to come. It can be overwhelming to think too far ahead. You really have to live in the moment and make it the best. I’m constantly trying to educate people about bipolar disorder. We’re not ‘crazies.’ That term is thrown around so much—someone is ‘crazy’ or ‘psycho.’ I take it personally. I know I shouldn’t, but those names can hurt. I try to surround myself with supportive people. My husband has been incredible and my children are doing well and I’m proud of them, and my co-workers are very understanding. If you surround yourself with that kind of support and encouragement and love, then you really can’t go wrong.”

—Laura Flynn McCarthy

What's Next: A Family Affair with Bipolar

• Managing Bipolar Full-Time
  
• Your Stories
  
• Get the Right Diagnosis

Review Date: May 01, 2009