My husband left about six months ago. My mother died two months ago. Everyone just expects me to go on. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry all day. My mother was my biggest loss, and I feel like a broken person. How can I possibly feel any better? Classes begin again in about a week or so. I know I should probably get some help, but there is no time.

Eileen

My condolences to you on the loss of your mother. It's hard for anyone to lose a parent, but coming on the heels of another big loss -- your marriage -- must make it especially difficult. I can understand why you feel like crying all day.

It sounds as though you're experiencing a particularly strong -- although probably very natural -- grief reaction, and may feel overwhelmed by it. Everyone's grieving process varies, and no one (including me) should tell you what you SHOULD feel or do right now. However, if you want to be able to focus on school and are having some difficulty doing so, it might help to talk with a counselor who can provide some support during this difficult time. Another possibility is to find a support group for recently bereaved people.

With time, grief and hurt do lessen, but it's hard to believe that when we're in the midst of the pain. You might think back on other times in your life when you experienced hardship or pain you thought might never end, and remind yourself that it ultimately did. Even though what you're going through right now may be more intense, the process is probably similar.

I do recommend that you take especially good care of yourself during this mourning time. Cut back on nonessential but stressful activities when possible, and give yourself extra time and attention to complete things you simply must do -- whether that's taking, teaching or preparing for classes or anything else. If you crave quiet and solitude to heal, give yourself that when possible. If keeping busy or being with other people is what you need, seek that out. If sometimes you want to be alone and at other times you want the comfort of others, recognize that as part of the natural ebb and flow of feelings and desires, rather than being fickle.

Above all, don't let anyone else make you do what feels wrong to you and your grieving process. What works for them might not work for you, and there's nothing wrong with that -- it just means you're different people with different needs. And that's OK.