I have herpes. How do I reduce the risk of giving it to my partner when he pleasures me orally?

The problem with herpes is that the virus could be in an active state -- you could pass on the infection -- and not have a visible outbreak that would alert you to this danger. Because there isn't always a warning, there is no absolutely safe way for a man to perform cunnilingus on a woman who has herpes. If you really don't want him to become infected, my advice is to drop this form of sexual activity.

And he should protect his penis with a condom during vaginal intercourse. He could even wear rubber gloves when touching your vaginal area. (Though I don't believe touching is as dangerous if there aren't open wounds and he washes his hands immediately after sex.) Dental dams have been recommended by some as protection during oral sex, but I don't really feel that a piece of rubber, stretched over the vaginal area, is 100 percent effective at preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

I do hope you've told your partner that you have herpes so he can be fully involved in the decision-making process of what sexual activities the two of you engage in. You should not engage in any sexual activity again until you've had this discussion.