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Codependency is a behavior pattern in which a person tends to form unhealthy relationships. People who engage in codependent behavior almost always appear to place the needs and desires of other people before their own. These other people often have an addiction or mental health problems that the codependent person tries to ignore or avoid.

Initially, experts used the term “codependency” to describe spouses, parents, siblings and others with close relationships to people addicted to drugs and alcohol. Today, the term “codependency” has been used to describe any relationship that is one-sided and/or emotionally abusive. In codependent relationships, at least one person tends to feel fear, anger, pain or shame. People in codependent relationships ignore or deny these feelings.

Codependent people easily fall into the caretaker role. They often try to help or shield from harm the person with the addiction or other problem. For example, a codependent husband may lie for his alcoholic wife if she is too hung over to go to work. Though they may think they are aiding others with their support, codependent people actually exacerbate the situation by allowing others to avoid admitting they have problems and need treatment.

Codependent people often view themselves as “martyrs” and thrive on the sense of being needed. They feel responsible for the actions of others and confuse love with pity. However, over time, this caretaking can become compulsive and emotionally draining. People who are codependent often feel hurt when their efforts go unappreciated and may develop a sense of chronic anger due to their situation.