Lately I seem to get angry about everything. I am constantly being rude to my husband, who has done nothing wrong. He puts up with it, but I don't want to lose him. I hear myself acting like this, but I can't stop myself. It seems like everything makes me angry. This is an everyday thing. HELP! --Beck

When we seem to get angry about everything, it's time to check within ourselves for what's going on. Are we stressed to the max, our nerves worn thin, so that everyday glitches we'd normally take in stride instead send us up the wall? Or is anger or resentment bubbling up ‑- and over ‑- from someplace deep inside, where it's been pushed down and ignored for too long?

I can't say for sure what's going on with you and your anger ‑- only you can ultimately know for sure about that, perhaps with the guidance of a counselor or therapist. But I'll mention some possibilities that might be food for thought.

Sometimes the anger we direct toward a loved one is displaced from anger we're feeling about someone or something else. It's like "kick-the-dog" syndrome ‑- a man gets chewed out by the boss at work and goes home and kicks the dog. Lashing out at the boss could lead to rapid unemployment. But it's "safe" (although not appropriate!) to lash out at someone or something weaker... like the dog. Or like a spouse whom we feel will tolerate our abuse.

Sometimes anger like you describe can result from pent-up resentment or rage, whether it's resentment specifically about things the spouse has done or things someone else has done in the past (a long-term version of "kick-the-dog").

So you might want to think about whether any of those possibilities apply to you. If stress or frayed nerves seem to be the culprit, it may be time to do some serious self-care to replenish your depleted reserves. If your anger toward your husband is due to "kick-the-dog" displacement, you may need to identify, own and address the true source (or object) of your anger. If past resentments (whether of your husband or someone/something else) seem to be involved, it may be time to address those issues in counseling or psychotherapy.

You may also want to check into the book "When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within," by Matthew McKay, PhD, Peter D. Rogers, PhD, and Judith McKay, RN for self-help information about anger. The book "Feeling Good," by David Burns, MD, also contains useful information and suggestions for dealing with anger, depression and anxiety.