My mother has cancer and has been treated at a university medical center in New Jersey. The cancer is in the sinus area and spreading throughout her face. I'm 19 and I feel as though the doctors aren't telling me everything that I need to know for my mother. She's been through chemotherapy, radiation and surgery. I'm young and don't know much about this disease. I want a second opinion but don't know who to go to or where to go to. The doctor told me that there is nothing that they can do, but I don't believe that. Please help me!

J.C.

Sinus cancer is a truly horrifying disease. There is really no better way to phrase this. People who read your letter can only begin to imagine what your mother and you are going through unless they have had firsthand experience with sinus cancer.

She is being treated at a university, which tells me that she is almost certainly receiving state-of-the-art care. Whether or not she could be a candidate for more surgery, chemotherapy or radiation therapy is something that her doctors would know. They may also know whether she might be a candidate for an experimental research protocol. These are important questions that your mother -- not you -- needs to discuss with her doctors.

It would certainly be legitimate for your mother to ask for a second opinion, in which case she should find another nearby university that has a strong record for cancer therapy. Believe it or not, her current doctors are the best ones to ask for a recommendation regarding a second opinion.

You need to look closely at your cry for help. Help with what? From your letter, it sounds like your mother's doctors feel they have done everything possible to help her. If you know this much, you DO know what you need to know. What else do you need to know?

Truly, you have a difficult task: You need to cope with your own grief AND be supportive to your mother. You must avoid being an additional burden to your mother. This is hard enough for her as it is. If you make matters worse for her, you will certainly regret it.

This is probably the toughest thing that you have ever had to deal with -- perhaps it will be the most painful problem that you will ever face. You do need help, but not from your mother's doctors or from me. My advice (and I know that this is not the advice you wanted to hear): Find a good psychologist who will work with you during this painful time.