My husband died almost three years ago. I was numb for a while, taking care of the normal business of raising our son. I have no family network as we were both older parents. The fog has been lifting little by little, and I'm looking toward the next stage. My question relates to delayed grieving, if there is such a thing. It seems I just tucked matters away so I could deal with the here-and-now. Now it seems more lonely and painful going through year three as it did at the beginning. Perhaps that's because I have more time alone now that my son is in school. But kindergarten and sports are so family/couple oriented. I did go to a support group at the start, but I found other than losing a loved one, I had nothing in common with the others. It seems women with young children have a special grief situation. Any comments?

Pat

My condolences on the loss of your husband. Yes, there is such a thing as delayed grieving. People who put their grief on the back burner in order to attend to pressing matters often find themselves feeling their loss anew when life eventually slows down. Even those who grieve deeply from the beginning may find fresh sadness when they reach certain milestones without their loved ones -- a child's rites of passage, anniversary dates, holidays.

Everyone must go through their own grief process -- whatever is right or necessary for THEM might not suit another. I can understand that the grief of a widow with young children might be different from that of a childless widow, or an elderly widow. Although I don't think the loss of a beloved spouse is easy at any age, a woman with young children has to cope with her children's confusion and grief as well as her own. And that comes on top of the stress of suddenly becoming a single parent.

Perhaps you might benefit from finding another support group. It might be another bereavement group, or even another type of group altogether ... some venue in which you can meet women with whom you might have more in common. It doesn't have to be a therapy or support group. What about a book discussion group, or a class or organization featuring a hobby you've enjoyed or a craft you want to learn? Journaling and other forms of creative expression can also aid in healing grief and distress of all kinds.