My boyfriend feels depressed all the time. All he thinks about are bills that are due, and he's constantly afraid of losing his job. His boss tells him all the time that he can be replaced. He has started drinking more lately. It used to be every now and then, if we went out to a club. Now, it's whenever he has a problem or something on his mind that he can't solve or talk about. What can I do to help him?

M.

What a tough situation for you and your boyfriend to be in. It's hard watching someone we care about be miserable -- especially when they may be doing things that add to their misery, like drinking.

As you may know, people often turn to alcohol to numb themselves when they're upset or depressed, but that attempted coping strategy usually backfires in the long run (and sometimes the short run). Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and regular drinking can make a depressed person even more depressed.

Perhaps it would help your boyfriend for you to gently point that out to him, and offer to help him find other ways of addressing his stress and depression. One such option is for him to see a counselor or therapist who could help him identify and address the factors contributing to his depression. One such factor, of course, might be working in a difficult (and possibly low-paying) job situation with a boss who, from your description, seems unappreciative if not outright emotionally abusive.

You can also encourage your boyfriend to engage in stress-management behaviors that are healthier than drinking -- like regular exercise (what about going for a walk together after work?), yoga or tai chi, etc. If he refuses to change his drinking pattern or to help himself out of the miserable rut he seems to be in, you might consider consulting with a therapist yourself to further process how you might keep from being dragged down with him.