I've lost about 50 pounds and am now at my goal weight. I know I should be happy, but when I look in the mirror all I see is my old fat self. Help!

You're experiencing a very common phenomenon. I think most full-length mirrors should warn, "Objects in mirror are not always what they appear."

A mirror is flat plane that reflects light. When we stand in front of one, physics tells us the mirror shoots the shadows, shapes and hues directly back to us (the angle of incidence equals the angle of reflection, if I recall correctly), which produces retinal stimulation that sends a signal to our brain where the image is reconstructed and registered somewhere in the occipital lobe of our cerebral cortex. Sounds very scientific, doesn't it? Oh, if only it were so simple.

What we see in the mirror is far from an objective impression of how the light is reflected off the contours of our body. Rather, it is an interpretation of a visual stimulus, a subjective appraisal that is greatly influenced by our emotional state, our preconceived notions and our self-defeating Fattitudes. Depending on what we're feeling, the image we see in the mirror can change substantially from one moment to the next. We've all looked at ourselves one day, then looked again the next and swore we'd gained 20 pounds. Right? You know it's a physical impossibility, but there it is, right in front of you -- indisputable evidence that you're a miserable slob of a human being. What's changed is not your weight, nor is it the outline of your body; what's really changed is something internal. Take, for example, Sherry's experience:

I've learned that whenever I feel out of control of something in my life, I see changes in my body. If I'm overwhelmed at work, I'll notice some extra cellulite on my thighs or another pound around my waist. Then I'll get focused on eating and dieting and get myself all worked up. I realize now that I'm trading one problem for another, since by focusing on my body I stop feeling whatever was bothering me before.

What you see in the mirror is not a reflection of your body as much as it is a reflection of your body image. What's in the mirror is your self-esteem. It's your current mood state. It's your stress load.

Next time you look in the mirror and see someone fat, pause for a moment and ask yourself some important questions -- and maybe even jot down the answers in your journal:

1. What am I feeling?
2. What's bothering me?
3. What issues are on my mind?
4. What can I do to meet my own needs?
5. How can I nurture the struggling person before me?
6. How can I cope more directly with my stressors?
7. How can I value myself as a unique human being?

See if you can change what's in the mirror by changing what's in your head.