Don't Get Hurt, Get Mad!

The world is cruel to overweight people. While it's no longer okay to make fun of someone's ethnicity or disability, it's somehow still acceptable to mock someone for being overweight. Why? As one former office colleague and resident jokester explained, "If you choose to be fat, you should be able to put up with a little kidding around."

Of course, no one in her right mind would "choose to be fat," but that kind of complexity is lost on someone who makes oinking noises behind a plus-sized person's back.

Even the mildly overweight get their share of harsh comments. I've had clients tell me, through tears, of hypercritical moms who shame them for being five pounds overweight. Some women have been devastated when asked, "So, when are you due?" when they aren't pregnant. And some have been stung by suggestions that they "wear something looser and more flattering," a none-too-subtle hint that their body looks better when it's more or less invisible.

We can't stop people from saying stupid things. We can, however, stop ourselves from responding inappropriately. And by "inappropriately," I don't mean showing anger. Anger is perfectly appropriate in my book. An inappropriate response, however, is one where you take a swing at yourself instead of the idiot who opened his yap.

Too many times, I've heard women tell me they've binged on junk, hid inside their homes or cried their eyes out over a dumb remark. This is a serious perversion of justice. The person who ought to skulk away in shame is not you, but the moron who behaved so disgustingly. But what to do when someone tramples your self-esteem? Here's my plan:

Ask yourself if the person who insulted you is someone whose opinion you respect. That should help you get some perspective on the situation.

Don't be afraid to get angry and confrontational. Taunt back if you feel like it or simply call the prankster on his loutish behavior. Remember that anger is appropriate; sadness is not.

Prove every mean word wrong by redoubling your commitment to a healthy lifestyle. At first blush, this seems like caving in to bullying ‑- like you're acknowledging the insult as constructive criticism. But quite the opposite is true. By fighting for your health, you're affirming your value in the face of someone who wants to drag you down.

Remember that you call the shots. No one else can make you ashamed if you're proud. No one can take away your confidence or destroy what you've built. Only you have that kind of power. Never surrender it!