Part of being a good girlfriend is to tell your best bud she looks fabulous, even if she thinks she's put on a few pounds. But what happens when your friend's weight becomes so out of control it's literally killing her? Her blood pressure and cholesterol might be elevated; she might even be flirting with diabetes. Worse, her self-esteem is in the dumps, and she's miserable. You wish she'd take action, and as her friend you really want to help. But how can you help her without shaming, preaching or otherwise making a bad situation worse?

First, you must understand that your friend knows she has a problem. She is reminded of it at every turn: picking out clothes in the morning, struggling with her choices at breakfast, squeezing into a seat on the bus, overhearing colleagues' whispered comments, etc. The world won't let her forget that she's overweight. Therefore, for you to say, "I'm concerned about your weight," is not going to be the opening to a productive conversation. No matter how sincere your concern or genuine your desire to help, you risk putting your friend on the defensive.

You can also forget the more "subtle" hints like the gift certificate for a personal training session or basket of diet foods. Although these kinds of gifts might be thoughtful for someone who is already committed to an active, nutrition-conscious lifestyle, for someone who isn't, your gifts are nothing more than a thinly disguised harangue. If you are on a self-appointed mission to motivate your friend, you might learn the hard way that it's a thankless, impossible task. Ultimately, the motivation has to come from her. But that doesn't mean you can't ‑- and shouldn't ‑- help her find it. In fact, that's part of being a great girlfriend.