I have fun playing tennis with my friends, but whenever I compete, I choke. Help!

Billie Jean King once said "winning isn't that big a deal. The real joy comes from the very thing that involves people in the first place ... the fun of playing."

The first thing I always ask athletes to do is to reminisce about when they first played their sport to look back on the excitement of those early experiences. This reflection can help to remind you of what you like about your sport. Make a list of all the fun aspects that have kept you practicing and training, have helped you improve your skills, have given you sore muscles, have made you laugh and have given you an identity as an athlete.

The next thing to consider is that winning is a voyage, not a destination. Sport is such an individual experience. The killer instinct is not the best choice for all athletes. Sometimes, when we let go of the need to win, we actually increase our chances of winning. By paying attention to your sport performance, the only thing you can actually control, you can get rid of anxiety and stress. Try concentrating on certain techniques, skills you've been working on, specific shots or simply hitting the ball. It's called, "focusing on the moment." It allows us to perform our best.

Another strategy you might try is to think of your opponent, not as your adversary, but as your comrade. The tougher the game she gives you, the more she pushes you to play your best. Smile and, in your mind, thank her for those difficult moves that keep you on your toes and challenge you.

The greatest moments in sport occur without much effort. Practice all kinds of competitive circumstances in your mind and see yourself succeeding in each situation. Do your "mind practice" in a relaxed state. To get into a relaxed state of mind, try taking three deep breaths and imagining that you are exhaling air tinted blue and purple, or say a loud, long "SIGH" with each exhale. Be confident that you will also compete in that relaxed state. That way, when you are confronted with a challenge, you will already know what to do.

Don't worry, your game will still be an exciting adventure for your mind and body, but after applying these strategies, you may be relaxed enough to win!

Whether you're a regular player, a weekend warrior, a coach or a cheerleader, post your questions on the Tone Up Your Body message board.