My Bikini Tweets

Almostskinny Stepping on scale. Should’ve bought 10 lbs. of hamburger meat.
6:57 PM June 18th from web

Almostskinny Cleaning out cupboards to reduce temptation. Must eat last Halloween candy, last Valentine candy and last bag of chocolate chips.
7:19 PM June 18th from web

Almostskinny Borrowed Wii Fit from my friend Barbie Longlegs. Wii calculated my fitness age as 59. Returning program to Barbie. Throwing Wii in trash.
6:19 PM June 19th from web

Almostskinny Was planning to meet Barbie for walk this morning but sleeping in instead: Too foggy for my taste.
8:46 AM June 20th from web

Almostskinny Mom lost 5 lbs. last night, thanks to colonoscopy prep. Ask doc to write me a scrip for colon prep, too. He says come back in 13 years.
11:43 AM June 20th from web

Almostskinny Swimsuit shopping in store with a three-way mirror: Looks like I have a keg, not a six-pack.
5:50 PM June 20th from web

Almostskinny One-word solution to three-way mirrors: catalogues.
5:51 PM June 20th from web

Almostskinny Finally go for a walk with Barbie, who leaves me in the dust. Spend whole hour talking to her ponytail. Even her ponytail is skinny.
8:30 AM June 21st from web

Almostskinny Post-walk weigh-in: 1lb. down! This walking thing really works! Except now I’m really thirsty…
8:33 AM June 21st from web

Almostskinny Post-hydration weigh-in: Back to square one. @#$%&*!!!
8:38 AM June 21st from web

Almostskinny Can I just point out that in some cultures a big butt is considered hot? And that Marilyn Monroe had at least three folds of belly pooch?
10:22 PM June 22nd from web

Almostskinny Also, Princess Diana had chubby cheeks, at least until misery made her thin.
11:37 PM June 22nd from web

Almostskinny Wake up in the middle of the night with a brainstorm: I’m not 10 pounds overweight. I’m just happy!
3:57 AM June 23rd from web

Almostskinny Googling happy, chubby women—and getting 1,360,000 hits. Feeling less alone. Also, less motivated.
4:13 AM June 23rd from web

Almostskinny Mail-order swimsuit arrives with a tummy-control panel, a push-up bra and a cute little skirt. Planning to try it on now. In the dark..
7:51 PM June 24th from web

—Margaret Renkl