I am on and off in my relationship with my son's father. When we break up, I find myself having sex with different men. Why am I doing this? I don't enjoy the sex with the other men. I don't feel guilty either. When my son's father is not around or says he's going out with his friends, I call up one of these guys and go have sex with them again. When I think he is out messing around with another girl I do the same thing. I don't understand this at all. All I know is that I don't trust him one bit. So why am I doing this to myself?

Di

Good question ... and one that ultimately only you can answer. What I can do, though, is mention some thoughts that come to mind and avenues you might explore to better understand and change behavior that's bothering you. But please keep in mind that I can't say much about your specific situation without assessing you personally.

When some people hear their partners (or former partners) have had sex with someone else, they run out and jump into bed with the nearest man or woman as an act of revenge, or in an attempt to demonstrate to their ex (and often themselves) that they're still attractive to the opposite sex. Also, some women have such a shaky sense of self-worth that they feel they're nothing without a man in their lives ... even if for only one night.

Some people who are unfaithful to their partners project their own infidelity onto them and expect them to act as they do, even if their partners are not actually cheating on them. In other words, they see others as they see themselves, and expect their partners to act as they do -- again, even if the partners really don't behave similarly. Other people use sex to numb, avoid or distract from painful feelings. If they don't ultimately face and deal with those feelings, however, they may use sex in a compulsive or addictive way.

The trouble with such sexual behavior, of course, is that it doesn't address whatever the true problems might be, and may backfire and further poison the individual's self-esteem. (And relationship.)

If you dislike your sexual behavior but are unable to change it, consider seeing a therapist to discuss whether any of the scenarios I mentioned above might apply to you -- and if not, what else might be going on -- and explore ways to bring your behavior more in line with your preferences. Good luck.