I've been thinking about seeing a therapist for some time now. I seem to be depressed quite often, and I get stressed out about every little thing. The thing that's been holding me back is my good days. Even when I've had a few bad days and have decided I need help, I then have a good day and tell myself that I'm fine and I don't need help. How do I know if I need help, and how can I get past this cycle so I can actually get the help I may need?

Cindy

I can't say whether you "need" help or not, especially since we haven't talked personally. Perhaps a better way of thinking about your situation and the possibility of consulting with a therapist is whether you might BENEFIT from help.

You don't have to have a diagnosable "mental illness" to benefit from seeing a psychotherapist or counselor -- although such a diagnosis would probably be required if you want your health insurance to pay part of the costs. One way to think about therapy or counseling is that it helps you solve the problems in your life and sharpens your skills at identifying and addressing problems on your own.

There are many reasons a person might benefit from consulting with a psychotherapist or counselor. Some include:

• being in severe emotional pain
  
• contemplating suicide or already having hurt oneself in some way
  
• feeling emotionally numb or deadened most of the time
  
• feeling tense or anxious most of the time
  
• finding yourself unable to stop thinking about something that bothers you
  
• feeling unable to stop yourself from doing things that are unhealthy or cause you problems in some way
  
• feeling emotionally overwhelmed or depleted
  
• experiencing problems in your marriage, family, or other relationships
  
• feeling depressed or down most of the time
  

In your case, one possibility might be to make an appointment with a therapist specifically to discuss your situation and whether therapy might help. That is, just commit to a session (or two or three, if that's what it takes to discuss your circumstances fully) to decide whether therapy would be useful. You can weigh both the therapist's feedback and your own feelings about the process in coming to your decision. If you think therapy might be helpful but you don't feel the therapist you've seen is a good match for you, you could then follow through with another therapist. (It's perfectly OK -- in fact, often recommended -- for a person to meet with more than one therapist at first to find one he or she likes. If you were buying a car you'd probably test drive more than one vehicle, so why do less when hiring a professional? In this case, though, of course, you'd pay for the test drive.)

Why not make such an appointment with a therapist or counselor when you're having one of your "good" days, reminding yourself you're only committing to one or so sessions? Or, if you make the appointment on one of your "bad" days, honor yourself enough to keep it. Once you've met with a therapist, you can then decide whether the benefits of therapy outweigh the costs, which include your time and energy as well as money.