I've been married for 10 years. Three years ago, I had an affair with a guy that lasted almost one year. He had a live-in girlfriend of eight months. We didn't always use condoms, but he never "finished" inside of me. One year after our last encounter, we spoke and somehow we got on the subject of health. He told me his girlfriend got yearly blood tests and had recently checked out okay for everything including HIV. I know I should be tested, but I'm a little scared. Does using the "pull-out" method decrease the risk of contracting AIDS from any possibly HIV-infected sperm?

I'd like to thank you for writing, because while I tell people all the time that the pull-out method is not a safe way to protect against pregnancy, I usually don't stress that it's also not a form of safer sex, and so this gives me that opportunity.

You see, there is a drop of fluid that comes out of the erect penis before the man ejaculates. It's filled with sperm, and if there are any infectious diseases present, it contains those also. So any time an erect penis is put into a vagina without a condom, then the woman is being exposed to the risks of pregnancy and disease.

That these risks are lower than if he ejaculates is obvious, but with HIV you are talking about a life-threatening disease, so any risk is too high.

Of course for you now it's too late, but rather than sit around worrying about something that might be nothing, I suggest you go get yourself tested.

And if you are HIV-positive, the earlier you start taking the various new treatments that exist, the longer your life expectancy, so that's another reason to be tested right away. And, finally, since you're married, if you are infected, you must tell your husband right away.

Now, the odds are that you are healthy, but I hope that this scare insures that you won't have unprotected sex again, and I hope everyone else reading this does the same.