I have mostly recovered from a very serious, long-term suicidal depression, but I still have thoughts about death in my dreams, when I can't control what I'm thinking about. It happens whenever I get stressed out during the day. I'm not actively suicidal any more -- I love my family and would never do that to them. I have taken a lot of steps to make my life better. But I can't get rid of the death fixation. It's really scary. I am seeing a couple of counselors, but nobody seems to have any real answers. Why do these thoughts keep coming back? Do you think they'll stay with me forever?

Pam

I can't say for sure, of course, why you continue having dreams about death ... but I suspect you're on the right track in mentioning the stress in your life.

I've often found that people contemplate death -- whether by accident, illness or suicide -- when they're feeling overwhelmed by emotional or physical pain, conflict or stress and see no way out of their current situation. Death thus represents their desire to escape. Thoughts of suicide may also come from a desire to manifest some control in a life that seems uncontrollable.

Of course, depression, anxiety and stress can cloud one's perspective and problem-solving ability, so the person who feels there's no way out except to shuffle off that mortal coil may actually be unable to think of other options. That's one way a therapist or counselor can help -- by drawing the individual's attention to other possibilities and encouraging and supporting their exploration.

I'm glad that you've come out of the depths of your suicidal depression and despair and that your life is much better. I suspect your recovery will increase with time and continued attention to your healing. I AM curious, though, why you're seeing "a couple of counselors" at the same time -- unless one's your individual counselor and the other is facilitating marital, family or group therapy. It's usually recommended that people who are working one-on-one do so with one counselor or therapist at a time, so as to not dilute or confuse the therapy. (Of course, many people continue in individual therapy while seeing another person for marital, family or group therapy.)

In short, you might try seeing your dreams about death as a possible signal of stress or conflict in your waking life that you need to address. If you do not feel the desire to seek out death on your own, and are satisfied overall with the way your life is going, such thoughts and dreams may simply be your psyche's way of drawing attention to problems to attend to, rather than a manifestation of a true desire to die. You can respect the message these thoughts and dreams bring you without taking them literally.