That weekend went by so slowly. We went to an appointment with a surgeon the next Tuesday, which was supposed to be just a meeting to discuss possible diagnosis scenarios. I wasn't supposed to get the pathology report until the next day. But on the way to the meeting, I knew we would be getting the news that day. When we met with the surgeon, she said the pathology report had just been faxed to her minutes before our arrival. The tumor was malignant. I went from being the happiest wife and new mother to being in the middle of a nightmare. This was the absolute worst day of my life. Chad and I just cried while she told us what this meant and what would happen going forward.

On Tuesday, August 22, 2006, I was diagnosed with locally advanced breast cancer with inflammatory features (stage 3 breast cancer). I had quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom a month before Joshua was born and had been dreaming about what my new daily job would be like. I never imagined that my days would soon be filled with hospitals, medicine, tons of sleep and tons of help at home — and all for me and not the baby. My tumor is the size of a baseball, so it is inoperable. I did get some "good" news; there were no other tumors — the cancer had not spread.

My treatment for breast cancer consists of four doses of Adriamycin and Cytoxan every other week and then a dose of Taxol and Herceptin (my tumor is HER2/neu positive) every week for 12 weeks. After the chemotherapy, I will have a mastectomy followed by radiation treatment. They will remove sentinel lymph nodes during the surgery to see if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. If it has, I will receive radiation twice a day for about six weeks. If it has not gone to my nodes, then I will receive radiation once daily for six weeks on my chest wall (because of the inflammatory possibility). I will then get intravenous Herceptin once every three weeks for one year and also take Tamoxifen orally for five years. About one year after the radiation, I will be able to get breast reconstruction surgery.

I pray to God that the treatments will not completely exhaust me, so I can take care of my son as much as possible. My mom, brother, and in-laws have been able to take some time off to stay with us to help take care of Joshua and me for the days following my first treatments. The first combo of chemo drugs with Adriamycin (or the red devil, as some call it) and Cytoxin, is supposed to be more punishing to the body than the second protocol of Taxol and Herceptin. I have had two treatments so far with Adriamycin and Cytoxan and have been pretty tired and nauseous. The second round of chemo was much easier than the first due to tons of antinausea drugs and other medication they have given me. I hope I will be able to tolerate the two remaining rounds of the Adriamycin-Cytoxan regimen like I have these first two.

I began to lose my hair on September 21, so I hacked away at it with scissors and saved the rest for my friend Maureen to shave off at her beauty salon. I thought I would be absolutely devastated at the loss of my hair, but it actually has given me a confidence that I never knew I had. I went to the grocery store with my mom today, and my bald head had its big debut. It actually didn't feel weird at all. I felt like me and not a cancer patient. No one stared, and it was just like a normal day at the store.