I recently broke up with a Christian boyfriend of two years. Now that I'm with a non-Christian man, my ex is always criticizing me. I keep telling him to stop hassling me, but I know that he means well. He bases all his lectures on the Bible. I know there are a few things that I've done wrong, but he won't let up on me. I've completely lost all of his trust and respect because of my new boyfriend. Is this my fault or his or both? Is there a way that I can get him to stop hassling me?

Jennifer

I must confess a bit of confusion. If you have broken up with your former boyfriend, why are you still having contact with him? Are you trying to be "just friends" -- a noble goal, but extremely difficult to achieve with a former romantic partner? Or is your ex persisting in contacting you against your wishes?

If you want your ex to stop hassling you, your best bet may be to limit your contact with him as much as possible. You indicate that you've already asked him to stop, and he has not respected your wishes or your personal boundaries. Therefore, continuing to ask him to stop is probably useless. Any reaction on your part to his lectures or criticism just maintains some form of relationship with him, which is probably what he wants. If you quit responding in any way to his attempts to engage -- or control -- you, he may eventually give up and let go.

By "not responding in any way," I mean ignoring every lecture, criticism, or attempt at contact. Screening your calls and refusing to talk to him on the phone (or in person). Not returning his phone calls. Limiting or avoiding altogether (if possible) face-to-face interactions with him.

If you feel the need to process further the "few things" you've "done wrong," you can always do that privately with a counselor or a pastor you trust. Good luck.