I am in the military, stationed in Germany. I recently admitted to myself and my commander that I need help for alcohol abuse. I didn't get into trouble -- I kept it secret enough to drink myself to death without detection. My wife now knows the extent of my illness and is aware that I will need inpatient treatment for at least six weeks. But how do I explain to my boys, ages 5 and 8, what I am doing and why I have to leave them? Alcohol has made me a less-than-ideal father. I just don't know what to say to them.

Bill

Congratulations on taking this important step for yourself and your wife and children.

If you've been a less-than-ideal father, your children probably already have a sense that something's wrong. Acknowledging that even briefly to them will probably help them trust their perceptions and gut feelings more (a valuable skill for any human being) and help them realize that whatever has happened is not their fault.

You don't have to share too much detail with them. One possibility is to tell them that you've been having some problems that you realize have been affecting them and the family, and you will be going away for a while to get some help resolving those problems. If you adhere to the medical or disease model of alcoholism, you could also use the analogy that you are "sick" and need to go to a place where you can get treatment to get better.

Important points to get across to your sons are: You have been experiencing problems and/or been sick; you are going away for a few weeks to take care of the problems (or begin the process); you are going to return; and you love them and their mother very much and are sorry for any heartache you have caused them. (A hug and/or kiss would be a nice accompaniment to the latter point.)

In taking these steps, you will be teaching your sons an extremely important lesson about being a man -- that a mature man acknowledges his problems and seeks help when he needs it. Your sons will benefit greatly from such role-modeling. Congratulations, Dad! And good luck.