I am 47, and I have fantasies about men I know. My chiropractor, who is only half my age and very good-looking, appeals to me so much. I have dreams of going to bed with him. He's single and at times I feel he is attracted to me, but I know it is just my imagination. I'm also attracted to my brother-in-law. He's divorced and very depressed right now. He has feelings for me too, and I have dreams about him as well. My husband and I have a great relationship and a great sex life, but right now I feel like a sex maniac. All I can think about is having sex with all these men, and the sexual feelings are wonderful. I went through a time where sex didn't appeal to me, and now I feel like I want all the sex I missed. Am I going through a midlife crisis? Is there something wrong with me?

D.

I can't tell for sure what's going on with you without evaluating you personally. But I wouldn't necessarily think anything is wrong with you for fantasizing about men you know.

If a client of mine had such fantasies and described a similar increase in sexual desire, I might wonder if she was experiencing some hormonal changes, or if she had recently discontinued medication that could have been suppressing her libido. Perhaps she had been stressed or depressed for a while, and her sexual desire (and fantasy life) was now returning as the stress abated or depression lifted. Perhaps she was having some shift or change in her energy in general. Or she might be avoiding some painful issues by using sex or sexual fantasy for escapism. All these possibilities might be avenues for exploration.

I can understand how these sexual feelings might feel wonderful to you after going through a period when sex wasn't appealing. And I'm glad that you have a great relationship (sexually and otherwise) with your husband. It's normal to feel attracted toward other men occasionally. There probably isn't any harm in such feelings and fantasies as long as you don't act upon them and they don't interfere with your marriage.

ACTING upon your fantasies -- or nursing your brother-in-law's feelings for you in some way -- would probably harm your marriage. Why not channel some of your sexual energy and fantasies back into the marital bed? You can let your husband know your interest in sex has increased, or that you might be interested in trying new things, without mentioning your attraction to other men. (Let's face it, if the situation were reversed, would you like HIM to tell YOU he fantasizes about his chiropractor or your sister?)