My husband and I are dealing with fertility issues. This definitely affects one's sex life. It gets to the point where there is no such thing as spontaneity -- everything is done at certain times of the month. When the time is "right," it doesn't matter if you have a headache, had a horrible day at work, or just aren't in the mood. You "just do it." Making love no longer is fun, romantic or special -- it becomes something mechanical that you are doing solely to achieve a pregnancy. What can you do to return the romance to your lovemaking while going through an emotionally difficult time?

Michelle

You have my sympathy ... I know that dealing with infertility can be very difficult. And it's easy for couples to become so focused on the mechanics of trying to conceive that they lose touch with the spirit.

It might be helpful for you to hear from other women who have been or are going through similar ordeals. They could tell you what, if anything, helped them keep the romance in their own love lives, and how they coped with the stress overall. If you haven't done so already, try asking your question on one of the appropriate iVillageHealth message boards, or during one of the many chat sessions available. You're welcome to do so at the Emotional Health chat I facilitate at 10-11pm EST Monday nights, or perhaps at one of the chats conducted by fertility expert Dr. Mark Perloe.

Other things you and your husband might try are to increase the romance and pleasure in your lives even when you're NOT having sex. Play a little. Go out on some "dates." (If you want to follow your dates with a little hanky-panky ... well, that's up to you.) When it's time to try to make a baby, try carving out some extra time beforehand to ease into lovemaking. Tired or have a headache? What about giving each other a massage, or taking a relaxing (or invigorating) bath or shower together? If you've had a horrible day at work, what about holding each other for a while and talking about it? While it may seem difficult to make extra time for each other right now, keep in mind that it won't get any easier -- or any less important -- when you have children. Now might be a good time to get in the practice.

Another possibility, if you and your husband are religiously or spiritually inclined, might be to take time before lovemaking to pray together for conception, ask for God's help or guidance, or even say a loving prayer to the child you hope to conceive. Good luck.