Dear Dr. Patti:M

I have recently started my first serious relationship; he and I are both virgins. During our first attempt to have sex we found that as soon as he let go of the condom it rolled straight back up again and would not stay in place. As we are both beginners, we are completely puzzled. If you have any explanations as to why this was happening and what can be done about it I would be grateful. Many thanks.

C.

Dear C:

First, I commend you two for practicing safer sex by using latex condoms for protection. I am glad that you are taking responsibility for preventing both pregnancy and diseases (although condoms alone are not a reliable birth-control method without the added protection of foam or another spermicide). Crossing that line out of virginity can be a challenging experience. So perhaps you two could benefit from browsing the Web or reviewing a selection of books and videotapes to guide you along this new and exciting sexual journey together.

I suggest that you make a date soon to visit your local large bookstore and browse the shelves for sexual teaching books, such as Sex For Dummies by Dr. Ruth Westheimer or even the old standard series, The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort. A variety of other books also that illustrate safer sex, such as Suzi Landolphi's Hot Sexy and Safer or The Complete Guide to Safer Sex from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, where I hold a faculty position and lecture occasionally. You can also visit the Websites of two noted sexual health organizations that publish useful consumer-oriented materials: Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (http://www.siecus.org) and Planned Parenthood (http://www.ppfa.org).

As for the condom slippage, I suspect that either he was too wet from the natural lubrication that emits from a man's penis at arousal (pre-ejaculatory fluid) and it merely slipped off that way, or perhaps you used a lubricant on the inside of the condom, which will contribute to its sliding off too soon. Be sure to use water-based lubricants with latex condoms, and never use animal skins to prevent disease, especially in preventing HIV transmission, as there are little tears and holes in those condoms that permit virus transfer. Most condom manufacturers now have Websites; one of my favorites is the one for Durex condoms (http://www.durex.com), which traces the history of the condom and has fanciful offers. That should get you started on the path to wellness and pleasure.