I faced sexual abuse from age five to the day I turned 16. My mother never did anything to protect me from my dad. She was too cowardly to take her kids and go, much less tell the authorities. I am now 60 with a family of my own, and my hate for my mother is overwhelming. How could she do this to her daughters and now expect us to forgive and forget? The excuse "I had four kids and didn't have anywhere to go" just doesn't work for me. I would have been happier living on a riverbank than being raped once or twice a night by my dad. I truly hate this woman of 87 years. I want to confront her and sue her for damages to our mental health. Do you think this sounds wacko? Is it revenge that I want?

P.J.

I think your rage is understandable, but I am concerned that it might be poisoning you. You ask if you're wanting revenge. Only you can ultimately answer that question, but I might ask YOU what you would hope to accomplish in suing your elderly mother. Do you really expect to get adequate financial compensation for your pain and suffering? Wouldn't you and your siblings split her estate anyway when your mother dies?

You might also want to think about what the next few years would be like if you sued your mother. Most civil lawsuits drag on for years, and those alleging emotional or mental damage usually require the plaintiffs' medical and psychiatric records, or results of psychological assessments, being entered into the legal record. As you might imagine, it can get really ugly and be very stressful. Is that how you want to spend the next few years of your life?

Regardless of whether you ultimately decide to sue your mother or not, I recommend that you see a therapist experienced in working with trauma survivors to help you release the hold the past has on you. That can be done no matter what your mother says or does. Continuing to try to get an apology or acknowledgment from her of the harm she caused you continues to place the power of your healing in HER hands, and that's not where it belongs. You can take back the reins of your own emotional recovery. Good luck.