My 27-year-old friend just lost her boyfriend of three years in a motorcycle accident. I hadn't seen her in five years until this weekend, at another friend's wedding. When I went to her apartment, she had poster-size pictures of her boyfriend all over her bedroom and living room. His clothes are still in the closet. It's been about two months. I understand it will take some time to get over her loss. She's in counseling now. Should someone go to her house and help her pack up her boyfriend's belongings to help her heal? She was in tears after the wedding, and I felt like there was nothing I could say to make her feel better.

E.L.

I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's loss. I know how difficult it must be for you and others who care for her to see her in such pain.

There is only so much you or anyone else can do to ease her suffering right now, because it's natural and normal for her to grieve for a while. How long that "while" lasts is ultimately up to her -- we each need to honor our own pace and process for any kind of healing, including healing from the loss of a loved one.

The best thing you may be able to do for your friend now is provide her with love and emotional support. Ask her what she needs and wants from you. She might appreciate help packing up her boyfriend's belongings, or she might want to do that alone so she can feel freer to do (and feel) whatever she needs to in order to release him and their life together, as well as the life she hoped to have with him. It's also possible that she may need more time to mourn him before clearing his belongings out of her house. Only she can determine the best time frame. Fortunately, since she's in counseling she has another avenue to discuss that should she so desire.

You can also touch base with her regularly for a while to offer support and an opportunity to have some fun when she feels up to it. Have lunch or dinner, go see a movie or play (I'd recommend something light and frothy), attend a concert or music venue. Offer a willing ear if she wants to talk about what she's feeling, or about her late boyfriend, but don't try to force anything or "fix" her. And take care of yourself, too, by allowing yourself a break from her and her pain whenever you feel you need it.