I am seeing a guy who has herpes. How can I avoid getting infected if and when we have sex? If I do get infected, what will I have to endure?

--Melissa

USE A CONDOM, USE A CONDOM, USE A CONDOM! Do not have sex, especially without a condom, if he has an outbreak. Do not engage in oral sex if he has an outbreak (the herpes virus can be transmitted this way).

If you are exposed to the virus you may never have an outbreak -- or you may begin to have herpes outbreaks yourself. Three out of four sexual partners of someone shedding the herpes virus will get a herpes infection. In general a primary (first-time) herpes outbreak will produce multiple painful blisters on the vulva and vagina, swollen lymph nodes in the groin, fever, headache, nausea and generalized body aches. With recurrences, which may happen frequently or very rarely, symptoms are usually limited to mildly uncomfortable genital lesions. Such factors as menses, pregnancy or stress can trigger recurrent outbreaks. Treatment consists of oral antiviral medications (Zovirax, Famvir, Valtrex) and/or ointments to be applied directly to the lesions.

People with herpes can have a full sexual life, but they must be responsible. Potential sexual partners must be told about the herpes before sex (that's just common human decency), and condoms must be used. Of course, condoms should ALWAYS be used with any new sexual partner.