My husband has almost NO sex drive. I have tried everything to jump-start our sex life. This hurts me so much. The rejection stings incredibly. I can't be in the same room with him without wanting him. Why doesn't he want me? I am not bad-looking -- in fact, I'm a bikini model. Most men are attracted to me. He claims to love me. What can I do? This is killing me.

Gennie

I can't say for certain what might be going on with your husband, and in your marriage, without talking with both of you and getting more information. But I'll mention some possibilities that come to mind that you might explore further if you wish.

If a couple came to see me with a similar problem, I'd want to know several things. First, is the husband having problems with erectile dysfunction (impotence)? What's going on with him regarding work and other areas of his life? (The state of the couple's marriage is also very important, of course, but more about that later.) Is he happy with his job, or feeling overworked, burnt out and depleted? Does he have any medical or physical condition that might be causing his low sex drive? I'd probably recommend that he get a thorough physical.

I'd also want to know whether low frequency of sex was a problem for both spouses, or if the husband is happy with things the way they are. And how is their relationship as a whole, outside of the bedroom? Do they have other ways to connect and share their feelings for each other? What ARE their feelings for each other? I'm talking about more than simple physical attraction, of course, because truly intimate physical relationships of any length have to do with much more than external appearance.

If you and your husband cannot examine these questions and issues on your own, I'd recommend finding a good marriage counselor who can explore and address them with you. If your husband refuses to go, see someone by yourself to help you better understand what might be going on in your marriage and what might help.