I'm 20, and my boyfriend is 32. I recently found out I'm pregnant. Since that time, my boyfriend has tried to avoid me. I have tried to get a commitment from him, but with no luck. He has a child from a earlier marriage and is a very attentive father. I wonder if after the birth of my child he will come around and grow up? Or perhaps I should forget about him and find someone who will love me, the baby, and my two other children?

S.T.

If your 32-year-old boyfriend has been trying to avoid you since you found out you were pregnant, I find it hard to believe he will miraculously change into a loving partner and father after the birth of the baby -- although miracles do happen.

You ask if you should forget about him and find someone else, but you're forgetting about one very important person -- the baby. YOU may forget about the child's father, but he or she probably will not. There will always be some connection between you and the baby's father due to the life you both are bringing into the world. Of course, whether your boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) lives up to his parental responsibilities with this child will remain to be seen. It sounds like the father or fathers of your two other children have not, or you wouldn't be considering looking for another man.

For your sake as well as your children's, you might consider talking with a counselor to examine why you are repeatedly becoming involved with (and impregnated by) men who do not seem to value you or your children (or their own paternal responsibilities) enough to stick around. Single motherhood is a tough job, but I'm concerned that unless you change whatever you've been doing over the past few years relationship-wise you may keep repeating the same pattern. And that, I suspect, would be heartbreaking for you as well as your children.