One of my closest friends just had a miscarriage. I live far away and spent about two hours with her on the phone when she told me the news. I wonder if there is something more I should do to console her. Are flowers appropriate? I don't want to rub in her loss, as she is really trying to put it behind her. --conflictedjen

Dear Jen:

Just let her know you are there. Call regularly, if not often. When you do, have news of your own. Ask, "How are you doing?" Let her talk. Don't pry. Just let her know you are there, without judgment and with no unsolicited advice.

As for flowers, wait a while and then send some posies or some simple daisies -- nothing that screams "mourning." Spring is a good time to do this, perhaps on the first day. Include a note about how glad you are that spring is here, the season of new beginnings and growth. When my mom died in July, I really appreciated a friend who sent me a note around the holidays that read, "Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. This time must be tough. You are in my heart and prayers." You might do something similar.

Lastly, whatever you do, do not tell your friend that she can "always have another one." That minimizes her loss, which hurts.