Is there something I can do for myself to help me to let go of some past pains? In the last six months, my partner left me after an extended relationship. I also suffered from a miscarriage in my first pregnancy. I have been unable to sleep and continually have horrible dreams of abuse (which I have never suffered), fear, pain and panic, as well as dreams of the child I never had. I feel incredibly burdened by this underlying pain day in and day out. It wipes me out mentally. I am "over" the relationship and have accepted my losses. But I can't seem to shake these feelings and aches from my heart. In the past I have suffered from depression and treated it, and I know that I am not suffering from that right now. It's just a deep sorrow, guilt, pain I can't seem to grasp or get rid of.

Kate

I can't say for sure what you might be experiencing, or what might help you work through your pain, without evaluating you personally. But some thoughts come to mind that you might consider.

You indicate that you've been in treatment for depression before, and that what you're experiencing now is different. One possibility is to consult with your previous therapist -- or a new one, if the old therapist is no longer available -- about what you're experiencing now, to get his or her perspective and recommendations.

It's also possible that your recent losses and stresses may have plunged you into what some therapists and healers (especially those of a Jungian orientation) call "the dark night of the soul" ... a descent into despair, pain and fragmentation that precedes psychological and spiritual growth. During such periods it can feel as though one's internal and external world is falling apart, but the old forms are dissolving to make room for the new.

You mention that you can't seem to get a grasp of exactly what and why you're feeling. I can understand how that would be frustrating. But I wouldn't necessarily try to force premature meaning or judgment onto what you're experiencing. Instead, you might try observing it for a while -- simply becoming more aware of the process and its components. You could try journaling, or painting or drawing or sculpting about whatever you're feeling. If the latter appeals to you, you could even work with an art therapist for a while.

While you're shedding the old, you can also start to focus on the new -- the future. Spend some time thinking (or writing or painting or whatever suits you best) about what you want that future to be. Once you have that vision clear, you can focus on the steps you need to attain it.