I am 40, and I feel that my last years of beauty are numbered. The wrinkles, creases and bags are showing on my face more and more each day, and it is painful to watch as it happens to me. I am overwhelmed with a feeling of powerlessness over the aging process. I'm recently divorced, and my biggest fear is that in five or 10 years I'm going to be unattractive and undesired by any man. Any words of encouragement?

Nancy

Women who've been renowned for their beauty often seem to find it particularly difficult to accept the aging process, especially if much of their self-perception and feelings of worth are tied to their appearance. At least that's true in contemporary American culture, whose ideals of beauty are closely bound to youth (and thinness), and are often unrealistic for most women.

It wasn't always this way. In other times, older females were admired as the wise women and elders of their communities. Gray hair and wrinkles were seen as badges of wisdom. Fat women were once viewed as manifestations of abundance and fertility; images of ancient goddesses (such as the statue called the Venus of Willendorf) emphasized enormous breasts, bellies, hips, and thighs. Even as recently as the 19th century, the actress Lillian Russell garnered the acclaim of thousands and was nicknamed the "American Beauty" while weighing about 200 pounds.

Very fine for them, you say, but what about those of us living in 1999 and beyond? Well, one possibility is to work on your perception of yourself. If you think (and feel) of yourself as withered and unattractive, odds are you'll project that image of yourself. But if you come to terms with your body (and yourself), love yourself and build a life that nourishes and energizes you, odds are you'll project that and attract people into your life who feel the same way.

There are plenty of women over 40 -- and 50 -- who have rich and fulfilling lives, sometimes involving men, sometimes not. And there are plenty of young and traditionally beautiful women whose lives feel hollow no matter how many men see them as desirable. That emptiness usually comes from seeking acceptance outside the self, rather than within.