I was in an abusive marriage for five years. I am now remarried to a wonderful man but I can't seem to let go of all the hurt caused by my first marriage. My first marriage has been over for four years, but I still have dreams and flashbacks of the abuse. Because of this, I can't seem to give my new husband all of me, so to say. He knows of the abuse and the toll it took on me. I can't seem to talk to anyone about what happened, so nobody really knows the extent of it. My husband wants me to go see a counselor. He feels this is hurting our marriage because I'm keeping this pain inside. My question is should abuse survivors seek counseling or is there a way to deal with it without counseling?

Bobbie

When someone asks me if there's a way to deal with something without counseling, it makes me wonder why they want to avoid counseling. (Hey, I'm a therapist. I'm going to analyze things.) Sometimes the person thinks only "crazy" people see counselors or therapists (wrong!), or that it's not nice to air dirty laundry outside the family (a good way to ensure that abusive cycles continue). Sometimes their access to counseling or therapy is limited by money, time or geography (such as living in an isolated area with few or no mental health professionals). Other times, they may be just plain scared to open up painful feelings.

Because I'm a therapist, my opinion is probably biased -- but yes, I feel that most abuse survivors can benefit from counseling. But I think that counseling should be with skilled professionals experienced with handling trauma issues and helping people safely process and work through painful experiences. Good luck.