My ex-husband was killed last December in an auto accident. We have a 13-year-old boy and have always had a good relationship. I remarried six years ago and my husband is wonderful. He's a great stepdad and got along with my ex very well. The problem is that since my ex's death, I'm having a hard time getting over him. I miss him so much and don't feel the freedom to mourn him openly because it frustrates my husband. Is it wrong for me to miss him this way? He was a major player in my life for over half my life. My son is doing okay and we sometimes talk about his dad when it's just the two of us. I'm so depressed because I have to contend with administrator, probate, and guardianship hearings; my husband wants to have a baby and I'm not sure I want to (I'm 37); and my personal life isn't cutting me any slack either. Am I just feeling sorry for myself? Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed at all that's going on. What would you suggest? --Kat

My condolences to you in the recent death of your ex-husband. There's nothing wrong with missing or grieving over someone who's been such an important part of your life, and with whom you'll always share a connection through your child together.

At the same time, I can understand that your husband might have his own reaction to seeing how deeply you are affected by your ex-husband's death. How many of us like to be reminded of our spouses' past partners?

You say that you feel overwhelmed by all that's going on. That's understandable, given all you're dealing with. You may need time to grieve, to sort out your feelings about your ex-husband (and your feelings about having another baby in the near future), and to attend to your son's needs after the loss of his father. Having a safe place to do that may help ... whether that's with a friend, a minister, priest, or rabbi, a counselor, a grief support group or a journal.

It may also help to periodically remind your husband that you love him and are not forgetting about the relationship the two of you have. (Remember that actions often speak louder than words!) Perhaps the two of you can also discuss what aspects he finds frustrating about your mourning for your ex-husband.

Again, you (and your son and husband) have my sympathy in this difficult time. I wish you well.