I am 43 and met a 45-year-old man a month ago. He told me he is bipolar. I can see mood swings -- happiness and all of a sudden depression. I am trying to find out more about it to understand. He is a very nice and sensitive person. He's not on medication, but he smokes pot when he's feeling down. He tells me it brings him back to "normal." He doesn't smoke much, just a few puffs once or twice a day. I hope you can provide me with more insight. I do like him a lot and want to learn how to approach these emotional ups and downs.

Mareike

I can't make specific suggestions without talking to you and your boyfriend personally. But if he's smoking marijuana once or twice a day to feel "normal," he may have an addiction that could complicate the picture. It's not uncommon, by the way, for people with emotional problems, including bipolar disorder, to attempt to "self-medicate" with drugs or alcohol. Unfortunately, the substance abuse can complicate or exacerbate the mood swings.

You say he's not on medication. Is he in therapy? People with bipolar disorder can benefit from psychotherapy addressing life stressors and increasing coping skills. Couples counseling can also help when the individual's emotional problems are having a negatively impact on a relationship or marriage.

To learn more about bipolar disorder in general, read my earlier columns Bipolar Disorder Explained and Support for Bipolar Disorder. You ask how to approach his emotional ups and downs, and I'm not sure how to answer that. If he has a serious emotional condition and is not getting treatment for it, you may be in for frustration and heartache if you try to help him alone.

Perhaps you could talk to him about what HE prefers you to do during his mood swings. It may be that he wants you to leave him alone, or to provide emotional support and encouragement, or ... who knows? Once you know how he would prefer you to respond to his mood and behavior changes, you can decide whether you would feel comfortable fulfilling the request. Good luck.