I need help badly. I am a woman, and I am obsessed with sex. I structure my whole life around getting sex. It's not that I am getting much pleasure, I just have to have it all the time, and if I don't, I am really angry and moody. I'm not that selective either -- man or woman and any race, it doesn't matter. I compare myself to a drug addict or alcoholic. Do you think that I am a sex addict? I am not in a relationship with anyone, nor have I been for quite a while. I want so badly to be in a monogamous relationship, and I think that if I was, that all of this other behavior will stop. I know that I have really low self-esteem and crave attention from men so much that I always sleep with them the first time I go out with them. Please help me. I am really on the verge of suicide over this.

Stephanie

You may or may not meet the definition of a "sex addict" -- which is not an official psychiatric diagnosis, by the way -- but it's clear you're in great distress and acting in ways that may be self-destructive.

You're wise to realize the association between your sexual behavior and your desire for attention and connection with others. But as you say, your sexual escapades actually don't give you much pleasure -- and they are probably getting in the way of your developing a committed, emotionally intimate monogamous relationship.

I'm not sure, however, that being in a monogamous relationship itself would stop your pain and the sexual acting-out that accompanies it. While a close, supportive relationship probably WOULD be of benefit to you, it might also be difficult for you (or anyone in your situation) in many ways. For instance, people who crave attention from others often get so frightened of losing that attention that they try to mold themselves into what they think the others want -- and then come across as false, desperate or needy, inadvertently driving the others away.

I recommend that you begin seeing a psychologist or other therapist as soon as possible to understand and address your behavior -- and yourself -- as a whole. That includes understanding and addressing how you came to have so little regard for yourself, and how you perhaps came to use sex as a coping strategy -- albeit a strategy that's backfiring.

You may also want to experiment with "abstinence" from sex for a while, and work on developing other ways of managing your emotions than through sex (or even relationships). Therapy should also be able to help you in that regard. Overall, please keep in mind that change IS possible, and professional guidance may assist you in that process. Good luck.