Overcoming 5 Sexual Challenges of Menopause

Right now there are over 70 million baby boomers in our country and half of them are women -- most of whom are either premenopausal, in the middle of menopause or post-menopausal. This means that more women than ever are starting to think about ways to stay healthy, vibrant and sexy through a new stage of life.

Of course, it hasn't always been this way. You might be surprised to learn that only a few generations ago pregnancy was considered a disease and menopause spelled the end of the line for sex. Much to the chagrin of their partners and themselves, many women simply believed that when they were done having babies, they were also done with sex.

But today we are graced with a huge amount of information about menopause. After working with hundreds of women who are going through this life stage, I've found that many women are faced with five common challenges. Each one is listed below, along with a solution that might work for you. No matter which stage of life you're at right now, I hope that you'll find comfort in realizing that you are not alone in your fears about menopause and that the solutions that I've provided will be helpful to you when you need them.

Editor's Note: This article includes several references to HRT. Recent findings in large-scale research studies suggest that HRT may increase a woman's risk of breast cancer, heart disease and stroke. In addition, when estrogen is prescribed alone, it may increase the risk of ovarian cancer. Consult a physician before starting any medication regimen.

If there's one dominant theme that women report as they age, it's the decline in the natural production of genital lubrication. This often leads to pain during sex due to the thinning of the vaginal lining (with a decrease in the body's own estrogen), and can result in a woman's decision to avoid sex completely.

Solution
Lubricating personal-care products have come a long way in recent years. I'd recommend experimenting with sexual lubes (such as Astroglide, Probe, ID, etc.) or lubricants specifically for the older woman (such as Replens). There has also been an upsurge of creams or gels claiming that they can not only get your juices going but also get you in the mood for even more intense orgasms. While these products may indeed be helpful, there is no guarantee that they will work for you. Be sure to get recommendations from friends, women on message boards or your doctor before making a purchase. And one final way to restore natural lubrication is to consult with your doctor to start a medically governed program of hormone replacement therapy (which will counteract your estrogen depletion).

As you lose the capacity to produce the amount of sexual hormones that you once did, you may also start to lose your ability to feel sensations in the sexual parts of your body. Some women even report that painful sex (dyspareunia) quells any desire for intimate touch at all.

Solution
The remedy is often found by simply adding more estrogen in the way of HRT, which needs to be overseen by a doctor. Other causes of diminished sensations include certain surgeries (which may have severed nerves), undetected endometriosis and other elements of pelvic pain disorders. If you suffer from either a dramatic loss of pleasurable sensations or pelvic pain, consult with your doctor.

Along with a loss of pleasurable sensations, many women also notice a diminished capacity to experience orgasms as fully as they once did. However, there are simple ways for you to counteract this.

Solution
Often the sheer addition of hormones (natural or prescribed) can help restore both the level of sensation and the intensity of orgasm. However, if you are not a candidate for HRT due to past illnesses, a history of cancer in your family or your own personal preference, simple PCP (pubo coccygeal practice) may be able to help. Sometimes just tightening your love muscles can help you recover the sensations in your sexual anatomy.

You can do the simple PCP daily and within a few weeks you will find a change for the better. Here's how: Next time you're in the restroom, concentrate on your flow of urine and try to make yourself stop. When you do, you'll be using the PC muscle. But that's just your test. Don't do the exercise that way after you've found the muscle. Instead take a few minutes to make yourself comfortable in a chair at home or another private space. Do 20 squeeze-and-release actions on a two-count each way. (While squeezing, count 1, 2. While releasing, count 1, 2. Repeat.) Then take a 30-second break. Do the reps again. Take another break. Repeat the PCP for the third round. Do this activity every day at the same or similar time of day and you'll quickly see the results.

Just as with the first two challenges, loss of libido happens to many women as they age. This is a natural decline following the decline in hormones and it's going to occur unless you supplement with natural or medically prescribed HRT, consume estrogenic foods (such as soy products), or find alternatives such as herbal products.

Solution
The key elements to desire and sexual function for women include three sexual hormones: estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. You can boost your production level of each by using natural substitutes such as DHEA, herbs or plants. However, be sure to consult with an expert before starting any of these programs because homeopathic mixtures are a form of medicine. Please think well before you consume huge quantities of soybeans, or take black cohash off the health food shelves or use your friend's cream that she got from a sex toy party.

While some breathe a sigh of relief and scramble into action when they know that there is no more risk of pregnancy, many others feel they are no longer "real women."

Solution
Yes, things slow down and sag, but you have to have a different body image as a post-menopausal woman, even if your menopause was induced by surgeries. Think about Raquel Welch, who does yoga, eats well and looks amazing. Or consider the always-sexy Sophia Loren who is still turning heads as a sensual woman in movies about older couples. This is your chance to reframe the meaning of this life stage into something of a spiritual passage, a place of knowing yourself, a claiming of your wisdom and power as a realized woman.

The bottom line is to focus on pleasure more than performance goals. Let your sexual attitudes shift to allow yourself to experience the delight of the process vs. the outcome of sex. If you can find the pathway between your current stage and the next one, it may turn out to be the happiest time of your life, the wisest and most sexually seasoned yet.