I have recently met someone who I care for very much. He told me after our second date that he was HIV positive, and my first reaction was to pull away and not pursue the relationship any further. I enjoy his company and would like to have this person in my life, but I am frightened. Do you feel that a relationship between a HIV-negative person and an HIV-positive person can be mutually satisfying, or am I barking up the wrong tree?

You pose a very difficult question for me to answer. I never like the idea of telling two people who find each other compatible to break up. My natural instinct is to get people together. But in your situation there are risks that are life-threatening, so in good conscience I also can't tell you to go ahead with this relationship.

If your friend was a quadriplegic, for example, I could tell you that life with him would be very difficult, but if you really loved each other, it could work. And if it didn't, then you'd have both shared some pleasant times together, which is better than nothing, and when you went on your way, you'd be no worse off. But in your situation, you might contract HIV yourself, and that's something you can't walk away from.

When the contraceptive sponge came out, they asked me to endorse it. Because one woman in 100,000 was at risk of getting toxic shock, I refused. Yes, the risk was small, but what if it was my daughter who was that one? I have to say the same to you. Yes, you can minimize the risks, but you can't make them disappear altogether, and if you were my child, I would definitely advise against this relationship.