I'm 13. I have a habit of going into the bathroom or somewhere where I can't be seen, and then I rub myself until I have an orgasm. In other words, I have sex, just not with anyone, just a fantasy. I do this almost every day. I've been doing it for about six months now. Is it harmful? If so, what damage can it do, and is it still not too late for me?

R.

What you describe is called masturbation. It's a natural activity and in itself is not harmful.

Our bodies are made to feel pleasure when the sexual organs are stimulated. That helps ensure survival of our species through reproduction. But at your age, it is far wiser to be having "fantasy" sex than "real" sex. When two people have sex without using birth control (contraception), pregnancy and eventual childbirth is a frequent consequence. Sexually transmitted diseases -- such as gonorrhea and HIV, the AIDS virus -- are also possible consequences, especially if one does not use condoms during sex with another person.

Unfortunately, many people in our society believe masturbation is wrong, and that people should be discouraged from masturbating. There used to be many misconceptions about masturbation, such as that masturbating would cause a person to go blind, or other ridiculous things. (That's not true, by the way.) Some religious institutions consider masturbation to be a sin. Others, however, do not.

I wonder what your family's views and values are on masturbation and sexuality, or if they've talked with you about sex at all, since you're asking this question of ME rather than a parent or another relative. If your relationship with your parents or an older sibling (or friend) is close and caring enough for you to talk with them about sex, it might help you to talk about such matters with them. If talking to a family member seems impossible -- or just too weird -- then perhaps a trusted teacher or your physician could provide some guidance or recommendations.

Of course, like anything, masturbation CAN sometimes be used in harmful ways. For instance, some people may masturbate so often that they injure themselves or fail to develop emotionally or physically intimate relationships with "real" (as opposed to fantasized) people. Those kinds of situations might indicate a need for professional counseling or therapy. But it's normal for someone your age to masturbate, as long as you also have other interests and activities -- hobbies, sports, etc. -- and "real" friendships and relationships.