My husband has cut back with having sex with me, because afterward he becomes swollen, sore and raw. He says I feel like I'm burning hot and have prickles inside. Could it be because of maybe being dry or not enough lubrication, or maybe we have sex too infrequently? Could the stage in our life have something to do with it? We're both in our 40s.

Shellie

Friction from lack of lubrication could certainly cause either or both (usually both) of you to feel raw after sex, and lubrication often decreases as menopause approaches. If this is the culprit, a water-based lubricant (such as K-Y Jelly or Astroglide) will help.

However, the fact that your husband becomes swollen and sore is more consistent with either an allergic reaction (to lubricants, spermicides or condoms) or an infection. A yeast infection in you may produce these symptoms in him.

You should be examined by your gynecologist to see if there is any type of infection. He should see his doctor as well to rule out an infection, including prostatitis. If there is an infection, appropriate medication should clear it up; both of you may need to be treated. If there is no sign of infection, consider the possibility of an allergic reaction: change brands of lubricants, stop using spermicide for a few days (if this is your only means of contraception, talk to your doctor about an alternative!), switch to a non-latex condom.

Women occasionally have an allergy to sperm, and it may be possible your husband is sensitive to your vaginal secretions, so trying a condom if you are not currently using them may help if everything else has been excluded.