This summer will be 20 years since I was raped. Will I ever feel normal again? I'm dealing with my addictions to sex. I have read that for victims of rape, one common method of dealing is acting out sexually. I don't know if it makes a difference, but I was a virgin when I got raped.

J.B.

You ask if you will ever feel "normal" again. It's normal to feel miserable after a trauma, at least for a while. But if the feelings and issues related to the trauma (whether rape or anything else) are addressed, healing can occur, and one's emotional well-being will return.

Some people who were raped, either as adults or children, do "act out" sexually (that is, express their feelings through sexual behavior) in reaction to their assaults. Sometimes they're trying to feel "in charge" of sex by repeatedly engaging in it voluntarily. Sometimes they believe their rapes have rendered them worthless and thus without the right to set sexual boundaries with anyone. Sometimes they use sexual pleasure to self-medicate (or numb) emotional pain associated with the rape, abuse, or other problems.

You mention that you're addressing your "addictions" to sex. I also hope you're addressing other residues of your rape, as well as anything else that might be affecting your quality of life. If you haven't worked with a therapist yet about your rape, it isn't too late to do so now. In fact, in the past decade, new techniques and therapeutic approaches have been developed to help many people resolve traumatic memories or issues in which they feel "stuck." Such approaches include eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, or EMDR (which you can read about at the pages of the EMDR Institute or the EMDR International Association) and emotional freedom techniques (EFT).

You've survived the worst part of the trauma, the rape itself. I encourage you to address -- whether in therapy, support groups or on your own -- anything else that might be miring you in pain, fear or shame so you can move from "survivor" to "thriver." Good luck.