Signs of Domestic Abuse

What is domestic abuse?

There are many forms of domestic abuse, ranging from screaming threats to pushing and shoving. Contrary to what many women think, abuse isn't just physical battering. Domestic abuse may include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, using children, threats, using male privilege, intimidation, isolation and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation and power. In all cultures, the perpetrators are most commonly the men of the family. Nearly one in three adult women experiences at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood, according to the American Psychological Association in a 1996 report. Domestic abuse does not discriminate against race, age and socioeconomic background. No specific type of woman is more prone to being battered by her partner, nor is one type of woman completely safe from abuse.

Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more of these categories:

· Physical battering -- The abuser's physical attacks or aggressive behavior can range from bruising to murder.

· Sexual abuse -- Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by or culminates in, sexual violence.

· Psychological battering -- The abuser's psychological or mental violence can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, and depriving her of food, money, clothes, and destroying her personal property.

If you are unsure if you are in an abusive relationship, take the time to answer the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts and continually puts down the other, it's abuse:

· Are you afraid of your partner?
· Do you feel as if you have to walk on pins and needles sometimes to keep your partner from getting angry?
· Has your partner ever hit, slapped or pushed you?
· Do you ever feel as if you deserve to be punished?
· Do you ever feel as if you've done something wrong but you just can't figure out what it is?
· Have you lost all respect or love for your partner?
· Is your partner good to you most of the time -- sometimes downright wonderful -- but every once in a while very cruel or scary?
· Does your partner drive you crazy or make you feel as if you're going crazy?
· Do you find yourself sometimes thinking of ways of killing your partner?
· Have you believed that your partner would kill you?
· Has your partner told you that he or she would kill you?
· Has your partner threatened to commit suicide?
· Were you abused as a child?
· Has your partner forced you to do something you didn't want to do?
· Have you lost all or most of your friends since you've been with your partner?
· Do you feel isolated, as if there's nowhere to turn for help, and think that no one would believe you anyway?
· Have you lost a job because of your partner?
· Do you feel emotionally numb?

If any of these statements ring true, talk to someone. You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) (TTY 1-800-787-3224), where you can talk to a professional in complete confidence.

--Adapted from the general information packet created by the NCADV and Online Psych Inc., 1999.