I am 41 and am having a hard time with getting on with my life. I was a stay-at-home mom for 20 years and raised two kids. Now one child is on her own and the youngest is in college, and everyone asks what am I going to do now? I do not know. All my life I have been doing for others. I haven't thought of what I would like to do. I feel lost and don't know where to turn. There is no pressure from my husband to go out to work, but it sure would help with college expenses. I feel like I do not belong anywhere anymore. I have always been afraid of letting others down. What would you suggest I do? I am afraid I am falling into a depression.

--Ninna

It makes sense that you would be feeling lost right now. You're going through a major transition as your children leave home. Your life no longer revolves around them, but you've yet to find another center.

I suggest that now is the time to focus on YOU. That doesn't mean ignoring your husband or children or moving them completely out of your orbit. Instead, it means figuring out what you want to do and what you enjoy doing -- and moving in that direction, at a pace that seems comfortable to you.

You don't have to make the ultimate decision about the rest of your life's path right now, even if everyone keeps asking what you're going to do. Just decide what you want to do today. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Was there ever anything you longed to do if only you had the time? A hobby or talent you put aside when babies were underfoot and never picked back up? A class you wanted to take? Or something you kept on doing throughout your homemaking years, but might enjoy deepening or expanding -- such as gardening, cooking or sewing?

Whether or not you get a job is up to you and your husband. Meaningful work is integral to a healthy self (Freud said the two important tasks of human beings are to love and to work), but that doesn't mean the work has to be in a paying job. Obviously, your years of parenting and homemaking had great meaning to you, even though you didn't get a salary. So meaningful work could be volunteer work, or artistic work, or ... you name it.

Set out on your path one step at a time, listening to your heart for guidance. By honoring your own individual needs and process and experimenting with different options for work and pleasure, you'll end up discovering where you belong. Or where ELSE you belong, because you'll always be a mother. You're just expanding and adding on to the role.